Yes, it’s been a while since I last blogged. About 5 months, if you’re counting. This is why.
When I found out in December that I was pregnant, I was so excited. Ha, I am still excited actually, but things have changed quite a bit. I had just started doing the Hammer and Chisel workouts, and I was determined to make this pregnancy my best one ever. I didn’t care that I was turning 36 in March, which put me in the “advanced maternal age” category. I had been on a fit journey and I had no intentions of stopping. There were all these awesome preggo mamas who were still doing Crossfit workouts at 9 months, or even powerlifting while pregnant with twins. I wanted to be badass like that. I wanted to keep up my exercise and healthy eating habits so that I would keep weight gain to a minimum, keep my fitness as high as possible, and hopefully have a better labor and recovery process than I had with my son.
Unfortunately, my body had other plans for this pregnancy.
During the first trimester, I suffered from some rough morning sickness. Luckily I didn’t have hyperemesis gravidarum, and I actually never threw up, but the nausea was horrible. Pairing that with extreme tiredness that dominated my days, and I was basically useless for a couple of months. I would muster up just enough energy to go teach INSANITY or PiYo Live classes, then come home and lie down until I had to pick up the kids from school. And being breathless! Oh just moving around was enough to get my heart rate up and my lungs working overtime.
When the second trimester rolled around, I actually thought things were going to really improve. My nausea subsided and my energy increased a little bit, and I actually felt like I was returning to being a normal person. That was about as good as it got though…in March, my pelvis ended up being shifted on one side, and even walking was incredibly painful. A little physical therapy fixed that, and I was back to teaching classes again. My pelvis continued to be a bother, but I pushed through and foam rolled as much as possible. I started personal training because I could tell my time teaching intense classes would be limited, but I had all intentions to continue those burpees and tuck jumps as long as possible. What I didn’t realize was how quickly I would have to stop doing that. In April, I began to cut back on my classes. I continued teaching just a couple of classes each week, with intense modifications and without doing much of the exercises with my members. It was tough. I felt like I wasn’t motivating them and I couldn’t continue to demonstrate proper form, which compromised the safety of the workouts. By May, I was done. No more classes for me. That was a huge blow to my ego, and made me feel bad because (even though we shouldn’t) I compared myself to other pregnant women and was angry that my body wouldn’t allow me to do what I wanted to. I had gained more weight than I wanted to, and I couldn’t exercise like I thought I should be able to.
By the third trimester, my pelvic girdle pain was so bad that it hurt to be on my feet for very long. Demonstrating a few exercises with my PT clients would have me aching by the end of the day. I could barely make it through a 30 minute session sometimes without needing to rush to the bathroom. Trying to explain ab workouts was almost impossible (thank goodness for YouTube demo videos!), and in July I realized that once again, I had become a safety concern to my clients. One of my heavy lifters lost her balance while squatting with a bar on her shoulders, and I knew right then that there was no way I would be able to safely spot her during her workouts. I couldn’t catch her or the bar without potentially injuring her or myself…or my baby. Luckily she didn’t fall or get hurt, but it was the wakeup call I needed. It was time to stop working.
So here I am today, at 37 weeks 4 days pregnant, and I’m doing my best to make it to the end. As I type, my little girl is kicking and pushing around inside my belly. I know deep in my heart that my most important job is to keep her healthy until she arrives, but I’m still a human and I still have selfish wants of my own. I have accepted that I’m just not the same as those other pregnant moms and it just wasn’t meant for me to keep up intense exercises for these 9 months, but I still feel envy when I see other moms doing what I can’t do. I miss the burn of heavy weights, the breathlessness after a long run, and the way my muscles look when I flex in the mirror.
I wanted to be able to blog about my fit pregnancy, to be able to inspire other moms to continue working out and eating nutritious foods. I say this because THIS is why I actually HAVEN’T blogged in 5 months. I’ve felt like a failure. Eating pints of Ben and Jerry’s makes me feel like I’m not qualified to give advice on healthy meals for families. What can I blog about when I am just tired and achy and napping all the time? I’ve wanted to come back and wanted to write, but I just felt like I couldn’t. Until today. I’m ready to come back, even if it’s to share how much I’ve struggled. I’m ready to at least look forward to being “me” again, and maybe that’s because I’m so close to being there. Only a few more weeks of pregnancy, and then I’m on the long road to normalcy.
Will you join me? Because I’m going to need all the support and encouragement I can get. <3